It has been many years since I last officiated at a wedding ceremony, but I well remember how the song from a 1970 movie affected how I and dozens of other pastors had to change the way to officiate at weddings.
The movie was Love Story, a 1970 American romantic drama film written by Erich Segal, and starred Ali MacGraw and Ryan O’Neal, alongside John Marley, Ray Milland, and Tommy Lee Jones.
The film is considered one of the most romantic by the American Film Institute and is one of the highest-grossing films of all time adjusted for inflation.
In the movie Oliver Barrett IV, heir of an American upper-class East Coast family, attends Harvard College where he plays ice hockey. He meets Jennifer “Jenny” Cavilleri, a quick-witted, working-class Radcliffe College student of classical music; they fall in love despite their differences. Oliver is upset that he does not figure in Jenny’s plans to study in Paris. She accepts his marriage proposal and he takes her to the Barrett mansion to meet his parents, who are judgmental and unimpressed. Oliver’s father says he will cut him off financially if he marries Jenny, but after graduation they marry, nonetheless.
Jenny works as a teacher while Oliver graduates third in his class and takes a position at a respectable New York City law firm. They are ready to start a family but fail to conceive. After Jenny undergoes three blood tests, Oliver is told that she is terminally ill.
Oliver attempts to continue as normal without telling Jenny of her condition, but she confronts her doctor and finds out the truth. Oliver buys tickets to Paris, but she declines to go, wanting only to spend time with him. Oliver seeks money from his estranged father to pay for Jenny’s cancer therapy. His father asks if he has “gotten a girl in trouble”. Oliver says yes, and his father writes a check.
Jenny makes funeral arrangements with her father from her hospital bed. She tells Oliver to not blame himself, insisting that he never held her back from music and it was worth it for the love they shared. Jenny’s last wish is for Oliver to embrace her tightly as she dies.
A grief-stricken Oliver leaves the hospital and he sees his father outside, who has rushed to New York City from Massachusetts to offer his help after learning about Jenny’s condition. Oliver tells him, “Jenny’s dead,” and his father says “I’m sorry,” to which Oliver responds, “Love – Love means never having to say you’re sorry“, something that Jenny had said to him earlier. Oliver walks alone to the open air ice rink, where Jenny had watched him skate the day she was hospitalized.
Love Story was an instant box office smash and people found themselves humming or whistling the tune throughout the day.
In the film the couple did a “do it yourself” wedding ceremony. While a member of the clergy officiated, the couple themselves spoke just about everything to each other. The pastor, who officiated said very little, just coached and nudged them forward without saying too much.
For a decade or so after the film’s release, many of the marriage ceremonies at which we pastors followed its example—i.e., the couples did most of the speaking and the pastor just stood with them, helping them as they struggled to get through the ceremony.
We stood with them, of course, coaching them as they forgot what they should do next, and then finally proclaiming that “Forasmuch as you (man’s name) and you, (woman’s name), have consented together in Holy matrimony and have pledged your faith to each other in the sight of God and in the presence of these witnesses; now, therefore in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, I pronounce you husband and wife.
“Whom God hath joined together let not man put asunder.”
Skip several more decades (in which I did not pastor nor officiate at weddings) to the marriage of our grandson a year or so ago. I was interested to see how such ceremonies are carried out today. So I took my Minister’s Marriage Manual with me and followed it through.
Evidently Love Story is a movie of the past and do-it-yourself weddings don’t happen. At his wedding, the pastor followed the text that I had used many decades ago.
At least at my advanced age, some things are back to normal!
Where do I begin
To tell the story of how great a love can be
The sweet love story that is older than the sea
The simple truth about the love she brings to me
Where do I start
With her first hello
She gave new meaning to this empty world of mine
There’d never be another love, another time
She came into my life and made the living fine
She fills my heart
She fills my heart with very special things
With angels’ songs, with wild imaginings
She fills my soul with so much love
That anywhere I go I’m never lonely
With her around, who could be lonely
I reach for her hand, it’s always there
How long does it last
Can love be measured by the hours in a day
I have no answers now but this much I can say
I know I’ll need her ’til the stars all burn away
And she’ll be there
How long does it last
Can love be measured by the hours in a day
I have no answers now but this much I can say
I know I’ll need her ’til the stars all burn away
And she’ll be there
kensintrospect 